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  • Desiree Nazarian

Societal Betrayal Part II

There is a bias in society that getting cheated on and betrayed is a problem that stems from the betrayed partner not doing enough or being enough. This is disturbing on many levels since it is laying the blame on the betrayed partner while excusing or minimizing the responsibility of the person who did the betrayal.

Some people react to betrayed partners with “Why don't you just leave” ? They may lose patience with the partner who hasn’t left but is asking for emotional support. A variety of reasons may lead a betrayed partner to stay in a relationship until they figure out what is best for them and that is more than ok.

In fact, it is suggested that partners do not make any sudden decisions in early recovery.

We’ve internalized as a society that if a woman stays in a relationship after being betrayed their head is in the clouds or there is something wrong with them. This is not only inaccurate but damaging. Further, how does this help a wounded woman who has just experienced the deepest cut of their lives? It doesn't. What it does is compound the shame and isolation partners feel towards themselves, about themselves. This ultimately can lead to another level of betrayal: self betrayal.

Most of the time partners are not looking for someone to provide a solution or advice, but are in need of someone to listen, to hear them, to see them. This is where therapy and communities of support become your lifeline as partners struggle with feelings of isolation and uncertainty about who they can talk to. In early post-discovery your best source of support is individual therapy, partner groups, and 12-step communities. You will want to keep an eye out for Certified Partner Trauma Therapists or Certified Sex Addiction Therapists. These are therapists who are trained in working with people who have experienced betrayal trauma. They understand the nuances and complexities of betrayal trauma and have a skill set that many other therapists do not. These therapists can guide you through what might be the most challenging part of your life. If you are a betrayed partner reading this blog, know that we see you. You are not alone.

Sending light,

Desiree Nazarian

To learn more about Seen Therapy or receive immediate support email or call 1-800-607-7922 to speak with a therapist who specializes in partner betrayal.

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